tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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