Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
His nipple licking is glorious
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