is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
