Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
