Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
