Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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