it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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