I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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