I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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