im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
