How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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