Me too!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
