I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
