Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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