yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
