I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
