I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
