She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
