Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
