I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
