dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
