my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
