taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
