I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize