i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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