I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
