I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
