if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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