Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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