his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sext me about skeletons
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
