It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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