Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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