i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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