May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're like the curious george of whores
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
