sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
zippers are such a cool invention
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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