Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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