I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
