yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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