i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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