i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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