Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
