worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this boner is exhausting
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
