You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
