Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
