Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
