Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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