If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
