Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hippo gnu deer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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