Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
