he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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