hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
