Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
