Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
