is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
