I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
