Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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