Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
