he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
