I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
