I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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