There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
