I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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