he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
