Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
