He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
